Are you true to yourself with family and friends?

One of the biggest joys of the holidays is also the most challenging: holding on to who you really are while hanging out with family and friends who demand a different “you.”

When I was a little girl, we spent every holiday (and most weekends) at my grandparents’ house. I loved going there, but my mom? Not so much. We would leave our apartment in NYC, singing and laughing as we drove. But as soon as we’d cross over the Throgs Neck Bridge, the atmosphere in the car would change. By the time we pulled up in front of my grandparents’ house, the mom I loved was gone. In her place would appear a pseudomom. She looked like my mom, she dressed like my mom, but her voice was tighter, her sentences were clipped and her sense of humor was nowhere to be found.

Walking through the front door, she’d kiss everyone hello and then disappear downstairs to do the laundry that she’d brought in several suitcases. She told me that doing the laundry at Grandma’s house was easier than riding the elevator into the basement at the apartment. But as I grew older I realized – this was her cleverly fashioned escape from our family.

Of course, she would ultimately emerge from the basement to eat (nothing kept her away from Grandma’s cooking), but the woman who sat at that table bore no resemblance to my mom.

I never understood that – until I spent my first Thanksgiving at the home of my boyfriend’s parents (I was in my late 20’s). I walked through the door and automatically went into the kitchen to help but…his mom refused my help. She told me to just go sit in the living room and relax. Relax?! Me?!

She was insistent, so I went into the living room where everyone was just sitting there staring at the TV and not talking. Ok, definitely not me. I tried to engage them in conversation but they hushed me. TV time was serious time.

I sat quietly munching on whatever I could find to put in my mouth and forced myself to smile.

By the time we sat down to eat, I was afraid to move. Little by little I drew inside myself. I refrained from making comments, took smaller portions than I wanted, avoided eye contact and did my level best to be invisible.

Now here’s the worst part: At the end of the day, my boyfriend’s mother complimented me! I still remember her words, “You fit perfectly with us, Wendy!”

Should I have been flattered? I wasn’t. I was horrified.

What will you do this year as you gather with family and friends for the holidays? Will you lose yourself or hold true to who you are?

Leave your comments here and I’ll be back soon with some tips to help you get more of what you truly want with your family and friends during the holidays this year – and always.

See you on the Fast Track!

Wendy

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